Change: Get Used To It, Get Over It, or Get Out Of The Way
By Plynn Gutman, MFA, CPC When we choose to initiate change, it often disrupts the status quo, and we become the change agent for everyone around us. Take Peter, the pleaser in his family — the one who always defers or stays silent. This has been his place for a long time. But Peter’s recent life experiences have shown him that this is not serving him or moving him forward in life. He chooses to change. His family only knows him the way he was, and the way he is becoming makes them uncomfortable because now they must find new ways to interact with him. At a time when Peter could use their support, they are all too flustered by their personal discomfort — maybe unconsciously so — to be helpful to him. For those of us like Peter, it is best to take the attitude — kindly, of course — that others simply need to “get used to it, get over it, or get out of the way.” Get used to it: It will take time for some to adjust to the changes in you. These are the curious ones, who will begin to make the effort to shift their behavior to meet yours. Be patient with them, as they will eventually become your support system. Get over it: Some will always have difficulty with the changes you make because they struggle with behaviors of their own and may not be willing, or are too afraid, to change. Your success is only a reminder of their inability to take action for themselves. Offer them compassion but stand your ground. Get out of the way: There may be someone in your life who will never accept the changes you make, even if all the evidence shows that you are happier and healthier. To try to offer explanation will only exacerbate the divide between you and rob the joy of your accomplishment. In this case, limit conversation or even contact with him/her. Offer loving thoughts, but leave them on the sideline of your new path.
As you make changes in your life, consciously notice which of your loved ones can “get used to it,” which ones need to “get over it,” and which ones must “get out of the way.” The more quickly you are aware of how your friends, family and coworkers are reacting to the new you, the easier your process of change will become. Working with a professional coach can not only help you determine the best strategies for communication, but also work with what comes up personally for you as you issue change!
About the Author:
Plynn Gutman, MFA, is a Certified Professional Coach and Energy Practitioner. Her coaching focuses on helping clients issue change and discover their own unique balance between career, relationships, health, and creativity. Contact Plynn Gutman at Plynn@the-integrated-life.com, or visit her on the web at http://www.The-Integrated-Life.com http://www.yourliminalspace.com. You can also reach her on Twitter at plynngutman.